Mother Goose says: “Quack! Quack! Quack!
Get going, Humpty Dumpty, I have your back!”
Humpty Dumpty goes: “Give me the money and no one gets hurt!
Now, mother, fly us out of here, you are the getaway expert.”
But Mother Goose hides treason under her feathers,
As she has gone to the law and said hers.
Their criminal plans she gave to the copper,
And Humpty Dumpty cannot do anything to stop her.
So Humpty Dumpty exits out onto the street,
And has to take flight upon his tiny feet.
Tiny feet are no match for the long legs of the law,
As Humpty, chased down, very well soon saw.
“So you have me on top of this wall!
But let me tell you, coppers, tell you all:
You won’t take me, not without a fight!”
But hard lead and straight aim proved him not so right.
And just like any morally sound nursery rhyme,
This one warns children to stay away from crime;
Just watch Humpty Dumpty shot down from the wall;
Getting hit by sixty-one bullets, all in all.
And all the Queen’s horses and all the Queen’s men
made sure to riddle Humpty Dumpty with bullets again.
And as he lay there in pieces and bits,
He gave voice to his final angry fits:
“Mother Goose, damn you fowl bitch to Hell!
You had the nerve to go to the law and tell!”
And Humpty called her this and that and other,
Basically telling her she was a real mother.
But Mother Goose cared not for his dying howl,
As she in reality was a police-paid fowl.
But she fooled the coppers too, just to boot,
As she flew away with all of Humpty’s loot.
Many creatures good and bad were fooled that day,
As Mother Goose took wings and flew away.
She was never more to be seen in fair Suffolk again,
As she went to Miami, snorting mountains of cocaine.